Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
