I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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