the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
