The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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