i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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