I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
