i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dignity is for republicans.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
