You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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