Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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