Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
