watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
