HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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