if you like me you must not know who I am
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
