i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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