i just google imaged poop.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
