I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
is it fun? or sober?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
