Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
