My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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