So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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