lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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