I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
