Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
