i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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