I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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