she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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