u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
