I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
