I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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