i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
