i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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