they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
