I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
