im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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