it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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