He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
