great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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