There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
