i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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