he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
