Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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