my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
