I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
