When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
