it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
