Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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