We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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