I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
