Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
