i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
false alarm. still invincible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
