I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
