yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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