M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
