Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
