why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
