Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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